I fell in love again, and failed in love again, in a short time of 33 days. I think I must be the loser in this game.
Before I could recover from a previous love, I fell into another one. I do not mean I was hurt in the previous one, but it really needs some time for me to do the recovery.
About one month ago, I met a young lady in the net, who was really smart, beautiful, lovely and charitable. In several days, after three times dating with her, I fell in love with her. At that time I thought that she was really the one I want and need. She even raised my desire of getting married soon.
We were both so eager about each other. In those 33 days, we had 17 dates. Every time I would go from SheKou to FuTian to meet her. I cancelled many overtime works in that time. If I have to work overtime, I might go to meet her at 22:00, and then get back at 24:00. Even in such a situation, I did not feel anything like tired or bored. She accepted all my demand for dating. She gave me more time than her mother even when her mother was about to leave ShenZhen.
We were really happy when being together. We had suppers, went to parks/coffee shops/cinemas and sometimes we would go to LianHuaShan or Red Trees. We talked about many things, like/dislike, past/future, even marriage and baby. We enjoyed all the time we were together as if there was nobody else in the world. Every kiss or touch with her could make me crazy. I felt like in the age of 22 years old when I had my first love. She liked my kisses very much. I always raised her desired to me by kisses. So she suggested I could move into her room and shared her bed when her mother left. Was that a nice love? Yes, of course, I thought.
But there was something more than happiness. I found there was a man who had some relationship with her. Some day, when I was in her room and the time was 23:00, she received a call and said she had to go out to have a talk with that man. She explained to me later, the man was her workmate and her friend. She treated that man as an elder, but the man cared too much about her and even about her boyfriend. I trusted her and I believed what she had said.
But things got worse. The man kept sending messages and making calls to her in the days followed. In one phone call, the man wanted her to be his lover and he would give her everything he could. She said their relationship was only workmates and she did not want to have more relationship with him. I was near her in her room when they were talking in the phone. I heard her words and guessed the talk. I still believed what she said at that time. I thought there might be some guys who were crazy like that man, but it was not her fault. She could manage this matter by herself. So I did not think too much about it.
At last, the worst thing happened. Last night, I met her when she was walking with that man. But she was in another city in those days and she told me she would come back the next day! That man left when he saw me as what he did before, because we had no direct talk or collide. But after a while, the man called her and said he wanted to have a talk with her. She accepted that suggestion, so I left. I went to her room and then got out again. I was standing there, considering of leaving or not. Then they walked by me and the man saw me. He said he wanted to have a talk with me and she did not want him to talk with me.
Then the drama began. I said nothing but they were arguing. I got more and more information. They met two year ago when she was in trouble. He helped and cared her a lot. But when one year later she fell in love with him and thought about marrying him, she found he had been married. He continued to help her but could not marry her. So she had other boyfriends. This time when he saw I was with her, he could not bear any more. He wanted tell me about this, he wanted me to leave and he wanted to have her! What did she think? She knew that man was married, so she wanted him to leave and wanted to be together with me.
Then the drama continued. The man did not want to leave her to me. So she called his wife and told her everything. She said she did not want them to be divorced but wanted her to get her man back then she could get rid of him. After that call, the man declared that his wife would definitely divorce him. So he would marry her. Then I showed my opinion. I would not care about the relationship they had before (really?). I just wanted her to make the choice. If she chose me, I would stay. If she chose that man, I would definitely leave.
Then what did I see? I saw her hesitating! She said she loved me. But she had make that man under the situation of to be divorced. She could not make the choice to hurt either of us. She did not want to hurt either of us.
At that moment, I saw her, I saw everything, and I felt myself really a fool! She had been with that man for about 2 years. He helped and cared her so much. They loved each other I thought. She even loved him more than me. But the man was married and had a nice wife. So she wanted him to let her go and she wanted to be together with me. And now, the matter was exposed to his wife, his wife might divorce him. So he had the possibility of marrying her, then she hesitated! The man could help her in her work and he might marry her. But I know nothing about her work and I am a playboy. So it was hard for her to make the choice.
Then it was the time for me to make the decision. I had said that I did not care about their relationship and what happened before; I just wanted to do as what she wished. But she could not make the choice, the man did not want to leave and he wanted to continue with her. So I had to make my choice. I would give up and I would leave.
During the time they were arguing, I beat that man. But I had seen something at that time. I knew the one she would choose was probably not me but that man. She did not worth my love and fight. So fortunately, I did not beat that man too badly.
I left, because the lady I loved at that moment could not make the decision. I had the experience. That's enough for me.
Is this world too complex? Is the man, woman and their love in this world too complex? I don't know. I will go on with my style and try to enjoy everything.
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